because {day 25}

25 Oct

Why? People have said it to me, even if they haven’t said it. Why are you so sad, so worried?

I had reasons, and I had no reason. There were things that happened, yes. There were deaths and sickness and pressure. There were things that made me worry, that drove me to sadness.

But I am young, smart, educated. I have a husband and friends who would spend their Saturday night with me in the psych ward. I have a car to drive, food to eat, water to drink, books to read, stories to write, sermons to preach, music to play. Now, I am contented. I have my cat and my job and more than a few people who read what I have to say.

My life is good. But I have been down far, and I could get there again. Why? I hear the questions. Because, I want to say.

(If you’re reading in a feed reader or by email, click over to view the clip. It’s definitely worth five minutes.)

I’ve been watching the show The West Wing of late. (If you haven’t watched it, you really should. It is an important part of your healing, to cry and laugh with President Josiah Bartlet and his staff. This has been a public service announcement.) In one episode, a young White House staffer talks to the Chief of Staff about his history of drug and alcohol abuse. I don’t know what it is to see the bottom of a bottle, to have six or eight or ten drinks. But I shivered when I watched this scene because it felt so familiar.

“Is it really that bad?” she asks. “No,” Leo, the Chief of Staff, laughs. “Then why?”

“Because,” he says knowingly. “Because I am an alcoholic.”

Why? I hear them saying. Is your life really that bad?

And I want to answer, “No. Because I have depression and anxiety.” It is cruel, and it is comforting. It is no reason, and it is reason enough.

This post is part of a series, 31 Days of Healing. Check out Day 1 or the complete list of posts. If you want to follow along, you can also subscribe by email or subscribe in a feed reader. Or “like” the blog on Facebook. (We’re all about options here.) And thanks for reading!

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